A little change, would do you good

Today has been one of those days where all the momentum and transition and weirdness I've been feeling has clicked into place like the hour hand hitting twelve. I don't really know how to explain it but I guess if you keep your eyes open for signs they are everywhere. And I mean physical eyes, spiritual and mental eyes, your heart....there are signs everywhere. To embrace life for what it is, to accept transition, and vulnerability and to just BE. Not judging, not worrying, not living in fear, not grieving the past or questioning the future, finding time and patience to live in the moment and accept life for what it is.

So, without sounding any more melodramatic than that I will direct you to an excellent link explaining in thoughtful detail why everything you need to know in life you can learn from the movie Ferris Bueller's Day Off. I totally agree, minus the whole thing about only dating hot chicks (or dudes) beauty as we know is only skin deep.

:)

http://blogs.theage.com.au/lifestyle/allmenareliars/archives/2007/07/ferris_buellers.html

Extrano Sur America Carajo

In keeping with my recent listing, things to miss in South America:

Argentina:

Claire's Apt. in San Telmo (even in the heat w/ no AC)
Osaka and the guys in Palermo
D's apt. on Paraguay en Palermo
Stencil art graffiti
Portenos :)
Empanada's
Piola Bs.As. (I have one in Arlington, its a close second only b/c it looks exactly like Piola Bs.As. and makes me feel like I'm NOT in DC)
Accessibility to Colonia, Uruguay
Tango
Boca Jr's!
Never thought I'd say this- Rolling Stones obsession
Baba Sonicos

Peru:

My friends
Osaka, Lima :)
CUZCO
My house on the hill with the most amazing view of the city possible
The walk along Tanda Pata to San Blas
The plaza in Cuzco, walking down along the endless, steep stairs from
Never thought I'd say it: the feeling that your lungs are going to BURST from walking up the hill home in high altitude
Queso Fresco
San Pedro Market- Jugos y flores
Sacred Valley
Rupa Wasi
Machu Picchu
The view from San Cristobol
Walking out of my house every morning and seeing llamas
El Pasaje del Condor (haha just kidding)
I should stop here and just say: Everything. I'd do it all over again exactly the same if I could...who cares if there was no water, or no hot water most of the time? I don't think I'd really care if I could be there again!
The view of Ausaungate at sunset with the moon rising over
Waiki's
Jack's
Running into random friends in the Plaza de Armas
Moray
The Salineras
CEVICHE
pe
D'anafrio
Morachas
Causa
Pilsen
Bar 7
Los Perros
Tres Leches
Mancora

Motivation

It's hard to stay upbeat these days. Tried making the family hotel reservations for Denmark today and not only did it take forever but now I'm bummed out all over again b/c I probably won't get to go. And honestly, I appreciate positivity and people trying to cheer me up but really...telling me it will all be fine isn't fair or accurate b/c its likely it WON'T be fine and I won't get to go. And yea I'm a brat for boo-hooing over missing a trip to Denmark but its all I wanted to do and my damn foot is gonna stop me from going and I resent that. So please, save the optimism for someone else b/c all it does is piss me off.

I want to be in Paucartambo so badly I could cry. I was supposed to leave on Friday for Peru and get to Cuzco Saturday, leaving that night for the highlands and a five day stay in Paucartambo for the festival I attended last year with all my friends. I had to cancel the trip when I found out about the surgery. All my friends are there again and I know that right now they are dancing, laughing, singing, playing and watching the AMAZING festival unfold. Tomorrow afternoon the Virgin will process from the church and parade through the town carried by hundreds of townspeople. She'll end the battle that has raged for days and cross back over the river through the square after defeating the Sacras (devils) and reenter the church carried backwards by all the single women of the town. Horns will blow and drums will be beaten and it will feel to everyone there as though their hearts will burst out of their chest in happiness as the hair on their arms stands on end at the sight of La Virgen del Carmen as they pray for blessings from her. It is the most beautiful, powerful event I have ever witnessed and I've sent my own prayers along to Carmen through my friends that I'll be there again someday. Until then I can only sit and reminisce, wishing desperately to be there myself. (See my July 2006 post on Paucartambo for pics and more details)

I know it seems silly to be obsessed with not being in the US and traveling far away and I'm sure that this is exacerbated by being laid up as I am right now but the reality is...I was SO happy, happier than I've ever been in my life when I was living in Peru and I guess I just want that again. Maybe its unconventional to move far away to find happiness but if thats where it is for me, shouldn't I go after it again?

I know I just need to keep my eye on getting through school and graduating and finding the job that will take me away to new places, new experiences, a new life far away from here. Until then, I'll satisfy myself with traveling when I can and hopefully that will sustain me until I can spread my wings and fly away.

Greatest Hits

In an attempt to raise my spirits while I'm stuck at home doing nothing, being nowhere I'm going to start compiling my own little "Greatest Hits List" of the cool things I've done that I'm particularly proud of, or just fond memories. To be followed by another list of Cool things to be done when I have a working foot again. So lets begin:

Lived in Peru
Hiked the Inca Trail
Hiked Torres del Paine National Park- Patagonia
Ferried through the fjords of Patagonia
Ice climbed a Glacier
Sunrise at Machu Picchu, more than once :)
San Pedro y Machu Picchu
Viviendo en Rupa Wasi
Paucartambo
Crossed borders on foot
Burning Man
Lived in Samoa
Scuba Diving in Palau
48 hours in Tokyo
Introduced Jonathan Kozol at Bates Convocation
Sling Shot (reverse bungee jump) in Cuzco
Boat ride under Iguazu Falls
Drove cross country
Hiked out to see lava flows enter the ocean at Hawaii Volcanoes National Park
Surfing the north shore of Hawaii
Meeting the President of Ghana in Accra

Expectation(s)

So, the surgery is done and I'm almost through with week 3 of recovery. Childbirth would be easier than this! Its actually doing a lot better (says my mom who I have totally allowed to take care of me, having moved home to my parents house for the past two weeks) and I'm hoping to still make our family trip to Denmark (ahh the motherland) and onto the playa after that. The catch is this:

1) I still can't put ANY weight on my newly bionic foot, this means I'm still on crutches.

2) Pain is still totally all up in my shit, I suppose this is to expected when screwing tendon into newly "shaved" foot bone but you know what its 2007 I want a MORE bionic experience than this. (meaning HELLO faster recovery PLEASE)

3) My family trip leaves August 5th. This gives me two weeks more or less to be fully weight bearing and I'm afraid that just ain't gonna happen which means

4) Crutches. Europe. Shitt-AY (I know I know, Europe is super cool and it'll still be awesome to go but really my mobility is non existent right now, if I can't prop my foot up its misery so this limits just how far from the seated/reclined position I can realistically go)

5) We get back from Denmark on the 23rd of August. My next doctor's appt. is the 24th at which time I get another set of x-rays and find out if everything looks ok. And if it is they take off the cast and I miraculously start walking again after 2 months of non-mobility and not moving my ankle. (lets not even think about physical therapy here)

6) My flight to the playa is the 26th. i won't know if I can even go at all until the 24th. Whether or not my foot will take me there is another matter altogether.

Expectation is gonna be the death of me. I had such high hopes for this summer, I had wanted to get my head screwed on straight and get that whole mind/body/soul thing grooving so I could be centered and focused this fall going back into school. And now, well....I sit around a LOT and spend too much time in my head, or watching crappy movies and tv. I hate to sound so sorry for myself, its just that usually, I'm always on the move, always doing something and doing things for myself and now I can't even get myself a glass of water if I want to take it with me. The inactivity and helplessness is just driving me nuts. I am not a helpless, sedentary person and being turned into one, with the pain etc is just pushing me to the edge of reason.

So, pretty much I'm praying for a miracle here. It's nice to have things to look forward to but none of it is certain and everytime I look at my foot I think there's no way its gonna happen.

Keep those fingers crossed :)